Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here's a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

1. When you are sad-- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue-- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile-- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared-- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried-- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are sick-- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

7. When you are confused-- I will use little words.

8. When you fall-- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask. "Because you are my friend."

Remember... A good friend will help you move... a REALLY good friend will help you move a body... let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.